August 15th, Not worthy...
Self-worth came up in my meditation a few days ago and triggered a range of feelings and perspectives. Being worthy, in a morning reading today. What am I to think is nudging at me? To say that this hasn’t been a challenge for me would be denying the truth. Worthiness is a tough one. I default to I am always able to be and do better.
For most of my life, I sought to be worthy outside myself. Hard to explain but it was a balance of wanting others acceptance, to belong and valued, with a faith, a will that drove and allowed me to believe in myself and abilities. In this respect, I am lucky – able to rise towards high achieving, enjoying successes and utilizing some of my gifts. The issue is my inability to internalize that I am indeed worthy to those I seek to be, particularly lately when the reality is my productivity is bruised, my discipline shaky and new truths in once foundational relationships, considered friendships exposed.
The opportunity, message, lesson is the voice inside me that says, live to be worthy for my god and myself. That is enough, all I am empowered to do. Anything more will then be a blessing; I gratefully embrace with all my heart.
Hmmm, worthy indeed…day 33!
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