July 22nd, Sisters...
Today is my sister's birthday but I won't be sending any wishes, personally. We don't talk anymore. We don't go to movies, dinner. We don't celebrate holidays, occasions. No relationship - because I asked to be left alone, until there was an admission of what was unjustly done to me and my family. Apparently, she feels the ultra-extreme actions justified as there appears to be no interest in making the gesture...it's been 6 years! To say it doesn't hurt would be untruthful. It, at this point, being the why, the how.
I used to believe we had a great relationship. We were how you describe sisters to be - there for each other emotionally in conversation, presence - her and I could have some deep talks (even if it was her calling after midnight, on a work night). Now, I have to question, how much was true and untrue growing up. What feelings lied underneath for so long that made it possible for what's happened. I get siblings can be competitive, jealous, mean at times and perhaps foolishly I thought not having to deal with these issues made us special. Those were my feelings. I do not want to assume, but it appears hers are different. For the depth of how these have now shown up, likely they were hanging around, built upon, for quite a while. Trust, the foundation of relationships, completely gone for me. I must tell myself what broke is not meant to be fixed but let go.
Every day I pray she and her family are blest, that love will replace (what I deem), the lies, jealously, hate and greed. With each passing day the path back is becoming longer, and I have to accept a return to being together on it is unlikely. May she enjoy her birthday.
Hmmm, no more… Day 10!
Thank you if you choose to join the journey. Let's hope it is more fun than tears!
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